I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
