Your dad touched me again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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