so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
