I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
