ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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