in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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