it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
