This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
