on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
