i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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