I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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