I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
