Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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