She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
