there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
