Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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