So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think my tv is drunk
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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