Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
