That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
