Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
