How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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