I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
either way he was missing a nipple.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
