FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
