I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have aggressive nipples.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
