Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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