I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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