dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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