My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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