so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
