I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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