we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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