just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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