My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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