Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
