I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
