i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize