you win again, gameday.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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