Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
