history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
