You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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