she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
