First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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