Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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