I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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