JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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