Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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