I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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