A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
