1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize