so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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