so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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