I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
