I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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