the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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