I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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