fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
