Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
