Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
