why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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