I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
