I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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