Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
