no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
