I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
