MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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