He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
