capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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