i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
