nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
