There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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